30 Questions to Get to Know Someone Better
Cultivating Positive Relationships 003: with Lisa Thompson of Self Love Beauty
Want to get to know someone better? Here are some questions you can ask.
With loneliness at an all time high, building positive relationships now couldn’t be more important. Many of us want to grow in relationships, or just get to know someone better - but we do not always know what to say. Communication regardless is extremely important to get to know someone and may just be the backbone of healthy relationships.
Communication between individuals can build closer bonds with others and it is something we teach in Self Love Beauty programs for individuals and families. One way we can do this is by asking questions—questions that lead others to share and open up to us. Asking questions builds connection and isn’t that what we want at the end of the day…stronger connection? This is how we get to know who the other person is for real and build meaningful relationships.
In perhaps one of the best-known studies on relationships, Art Aron showed that when two people asked each other increasingly probing questions over a 45-minute period, they felt closer than two people who had just engaged in chit-chat (Aron et al., 1997). Further research suggests that when others self-disclose personal information, we like them more (Sprecher, Treger, & Wondra, 2013). This may partially explain why asking and answering questions increases closeness.
So here are 30 questions to ask to get to know someone. Sometimes it is even fun to go back and forth and get to know each other. It is even okay if you end up having an amazing conversation that leads you to not following this list one by one - it is all about connecting!
30 Questions to Ask
To start increasing closeness (or just get to know someone), here are some questions you can ask:
If you could have three wishes, what would they be?
What did/do you want to be when you grew up?
Are you a mountain or a beach person?
What is your favorite thing to do with those you love?
What are your favorite hobbies and why?
What is your favorite workout?
What do you want people to remember about you after you’re gone?
What was the most important lesson you’ve learned so far in life?
What are some of your favorite books?
What is a skill that you want to build?
Who or what inspires you?
What is your favorite place in the whole world?
Are you a morning or a night person? And what do you enjoy during that time?
How would you describe your personality to others?
What is the most important lesson you've learned this year?
What is your dream vacation?
What superpowers did you wish you had?
Are you very close to anyone in your family? Why?
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
What are your passions in life?
What is a career you aspire to have?
What type of music energizes you?
What do you look for in a friend?
What is your favorite subject and why?
What is one accomplishment that you're proud of?
When you see your family, what do you do together?
What would be a perfect day for you?
What is something you like to do with me that we don’t do often?
If you had to eat only one meal for the rest of your life what would it be?
What's one thing I don't already know about you?
Asking questions can be a great way to learn more about others, increase closeness between you, and have more interesting conversations. It is important to be intentional about this to build the relationship. We hope you can use these questions to build a stronger relationship with someone?
References
Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E. N., Vallone, R. D., & Bator, R. J. (1997). The experimental generation of interpersonal closeness: A procedure and some preliminary findings. Personality and social psychology bulletin, 23(4), 363-377.
Sprecher, S., Treger, S., & Wondra, J. D. (2013). Effects of self-disclosure role on liking, closeness, and other impressions in get-acquainted interactions. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 30(4), 497-514.
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